I returned to the UK for a couple of days this week to see my family. What has happened to the so-called low cost airlines? It’s very rare you can get what you would call a cheap flight anymore. If you’re travelling light then it’s not too bad but if you’re not then the extras if you want them normally add up to more than the original cost of the flight. Take Easyjet for example, others are available and do the same of course but they were the ones i travelled with. After you’ve selected the flights you want, you’re then offered the standard package, then standard plus, then essentials or flexi. All have different offerings with added costs of course, in fact if I had taken the flexi ticket my 150€ ticket had become 450€! I stuck to the standard fare as I was only going for a couple of days. Then I’m offered a seat choice which ranged from 11.99€ to 25.99€, which I skip. Don’t you find that there’s a 99% chance you’ll get a middle seat from the random selection? I’m then offered the chance to bring with me a “larger” cabin bag with the small bag that’s included in my fare, that’s 31.99€, which I decline. Now we get to the hold luggage, 39.49€ for 15kg or 48.24€ for 23kg. If I had sports equipment then it’s 84€ for 20kg or 104€ for 32kg. On the way I should mention I was offered car hire, insurance and every time I declined anything another pop up would appear saying are you sure you want to skip this part? By the time I got to the payment method I was exhausted. I’m not being funny but it’s all self check-in now at most airports so by the time I get on the plane I actually feel like I work for the company.
All this reminds me of the famous joke told about Easyjets rival.
Ryanair’s Micheal O’Leary arrives in a hotel in Dublin, he goes to the bar and asks for a pint of draught Guinness.
The barman nodded and said, “That will be one Euro please, Mr. O’Leary.”
Somewhat taken aback, O’Leary replied, “That’s very cheap,” and handed over his money.
“Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition”, said the barman. “And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland”
“That is remarkable value” Michael comments.
“I see you don’t seem to have a glass, so you’ll probably need one of ours.
That will be 3 euro please.
O’Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
“Ah, you want to sit down?” said the barman. “That’ll be an extra 2 euro. – You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro.”
“I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please”
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can’t squeeze in he complains “Nobody would fit in that little frame”.
“I’m afraid if you can’t fit in the frame you’ll have to pay an extra surcharge of €4.00 for your seat sir”.
O’Leary swore to himself, but paid up. “I see that you have brought your laptop with you” added the barman. “And since that wasn’t pre-booked either, that will be another 3 euro.”
O’Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, “This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager”.
“Ah, I see you want to use the counter,” says the barman, “that will be 2 euro please.” O’Leary’s face was red with rage.
“Do you know who I am?”
“Of course I do Mr. O’Leary,”
“I’ve had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!”
“Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cents per second”
“I will never use this bar again”.
“OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro”!
I mentioned last week about the awful goings on in the Middle East. I hope a solution is found soon but it doesn’t look there will be. With all this going on it seems like the Ukrainian and Russian war doesn’t make the news. I say this because last week in Pirates we invited a group of Ukrainian children to the show. We were contacted by a guy called Igor Volodko who has set up a company called Help to Ukrainian Children From Mallorca. It’s a charity project which brought 50 children between 8 and 12 years old who had been orphaned or part orphaned by the war. I was pleased to hear that lots of other businesses helped these children enjoy their time on Mallorca.
Sadly the season is drawing to a close but we still seem to be very busy at Pirates as it’s half term in the UK. We’re building up to our famous Halloween double show. Firstly from 18.00 to 21.00 there’s the Monster Mash up of our Adventure and Reloaded shows for all ages. Pirates spooky spectacular is one of Mallorca’s most renowned events, this year expect to be haunted by some well-known creepy characters. Its fright night so there’s amazing prizes for those who come in the best fancy dress costumes! Enjoy an evening with plenty of tricks and treats… a pre-show dinner of roast chicken & chips, followed by an ice cream, with a vegetarian option on request. Soft drinks are included in the price and there is a fully licenced bar to purchase all your other drinks, followed by world-class entertainment with an evil twist! A spook-tacular night guaranteed.
Secondly from 22.00 to the wee small witching hours there’s our Gringos Halloween beyond the grave rave. If you’re not aware of the phenomenon that is Gringos, then it’s an adult only rave-bingo night with prizes, on-stage audience dance-offs, tequila, and much more. But this one is a little bit different because we’re not only celebrating Halloween but it’s our final show of the season.
You can book tickets online or please call (0034) 971 130411.
Two wins last weekend for my two boys. Jake’s team won 3-0 and Jude’s team won 2-1. Both have away games this weekend so Dad Taxi is out earning his money.
Take care everybody and enjoy your weekend!
Richie is the MD at Pirates, the islands number one night out featuring Adventure, Reloaded and Gringos.
Follow him on Twitter @DadTaxi1 & Instagram @dad.taxi or feel free to email him at rprior@globobalear.com
Dad Taxi Mallorca 